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If you work in the US, you get these letters every so often from the Social Security Administration to let you know what your benefits will be, or would be, based on wages, taxes paid, etc.  They are just depressing, since in my tax bracket, I actually put more money into SS than I will get back if I die before the age of 132.

Yes, that is right, I will never get back all that I put into SS.  Nevermind the fact I should be paid interest on my contributions.  Why was privatizing such a bad idea?

Anyways, I received one of these letters, and it had a section in it entitled “Will Social Security still be around when I retire?“.  Look to the right, there is a scan of this image.

I love how it says “Yes.” at the very begining and then goes on to try and quantify that answer with the basic assumtion you, the reader, didnt pass 2nd grade math.

So, according to this, the money will be gone in 2037.  I hate to point out the fact I dont reach age rull retirement age (67) until 2044.  Not inspiring a lot of trust with already failing in the numbers department.

Then it goes on to say that if nothing is done, in 2037, they should be able to pay about 76% of the benefits to which I am entitiled.  WHAT?!

So just to clarify, Social Security will run out of money ~7 years before I am at full retirement age, AND will only be able to pay 76% of the benefits scheduled, which already are only about 80% of what I paid in, with no interest.

How was the answer “Yes.” to the question “Will Social Security still be around when I retire?“?  You just said we will run out of money years before I am elegible to retire, and even then I wont recieve all that I should.

What have we learned?  First and foremost, like healthcare, the goverment has great ideas, really, they are good ideas, they just have no fricking clue on how to execute it.  None!

Secondly, the correct answer to the question “Will Social Security still be around when I retire?“, is “No.  Not really.”

If you want, contact your folks in Congress, let them know this is a bunch of crap, and now is the time to start fixing it, not 2037, or 2044, or whenever it is you will retire, or (God forbid), need disability.  And if you think you don’t need to save for retirement, go take a 2×4, hit yourself in the head, and start drawing disability now.  Learning to live on that income is the ONLY way you will not need your own retirement setup.

Ok, Jess and I watched Twilight New Moon the other night and I am still in a ball in the corner trying to understand if there was a point to those 2+ hours that I just missed.  I have finally come to the conclusion that no, there is no point.  The entire movie could have been made into about 12 minutes, because the rest of the time all we got to watch was one character or another staring off into the distance.  For the record, if it was even a slight surprise to you that Jacob was a werewolf, you are a mental defective and should stick to watching Dora the Explorer that way the plot is linear enough for you to follow.

Let’s go through a checklist of what it takes to make a Twilight movie:

Acting?  Nope.
Plot?  Nope.
Anything surprising at all?  Nope.
Wasting lots of time with montages as if that makes a movie?  Check.
Lots of staring into the distance?  Check.
Vocalizing the obvious?  Check.
Taking a 2×4 to your head to make sure you have a low enough IQ to enjoy Twilight?  Check.

The moral to the story is, if you drool on yourself, you will enjoy the movie.  Otherwise….have some dignity and watch Battlefield Earth instead.

The only way I may watch another one would be if it was like this:

Let me get this straight…You were pulled over because of a felony (a hit and run), and you were driving on a suspended license. The reason you had the hit and run is because you were trimming up “down there” on your way to see you boyfriend, and letting your ex-husband drive from the passenger side while you were shaving? You get the first 2010, “You are a total moron” award. Too bad you didn’t off yourself and remove your genes from the human race, because let’s face it, you are too stupid to contribute in a constructive manner to the species.

And in case you were wondering, she is not hot in the least.

Full Story: http://www.examiner.com/…private-parts

I had been having some problems with my computer lately, I have no idea what caused it, but I was running XP Pro for about 5 years without a single re-install, which must be a record of some type.  But the screen would get a bunch of lines on it after any given amount of time, forcing a reboot.  Totally impossible to get anything done.

Well, I thought “Video Card“, but I was wrong.  I went out and bought a new ATI 5870 by Asus.  Turned out replacing my 4870 with that beast didnt do a thing for me.  So, back the $400+ card went.

Well, it must be software then, the problem now being I can either re-install XP, or try Windows 7 since that is where I will have to update to within 6 months anyways.  Out I go to get Windows 7 Pro, and more than $2,000 later, it is finally installed and working.

Upon installing it, I had network driver issues from hell.  Who knew a Linksys wireless G PCI card wouldnt work with Win7?  What kind of moronic OS development team made it where one of the most prolific network card manufacturers products wouldn’t work?  Answer:  Microsoft!  But since I used the word “moronic” we all knew that was coming, right?  Ok, read a lot online about the various woes of people with that card, and I upgraded to a D-Link N card, that seemed better.  Only, it wasnt.  But I knew, from what I read online the network card was correct.  Could it possibly be my Linksys router?  I mean, really, a router is a router right?  Nope!  I replaced the router with a Netgear one and BAM, it works great on the network now.  Spiffy!  Time to start installing software finally.

That’s right, installing software, because for some dumb-ass reason you can’t upgrade from XP to Win7, they expect you to have had 2×4 to the head and actually used Vista.

Start installing software, and the first reboot, the computer doesn’t come back up.  Not only that, the primary hard drive isnt even seen by the BIOS anymore.  WTF!!!???  How did Win7 just kill a Seagate HD?  I have no idea, but it did.  Off I go to purchase new hard drives.  This time, I got two, so I can RAID 1 them, “ah ha!” I will show you Microsoft, I will fix your stupidity with hardware. RAID array created, Windows 7 installed (again), and now I can start installing software.

But wait, Adobe CS2 isnt supported by Windows 7, so, $1,699 later, I am the extremely annoyed owner of CS4 Web Premium, a supported version of the ridiclously priced yet required by everyone software suite.

I get everything re-installed, except for my document management software, Source Link.  It seems those retards over there won’t reissue a CD key without a $60 fee, “because that is how we control the licenses”.  “Why do I use your software again”, I wonder as I am re-downloading games from EA, Quickbooks,  NuSphere, and a ton of other software that doesnt require me to pay them to reinstall their software on the same computer. Clearly everyone else has figured it out, even Microsoft and Adobe!  And get this, I get to upgrade as well to SourceLink 2010 in order to have it supported as well.

So, what is the final tab you ask….

$200 for Windows 7
$350 for 2 Hard Drives
$70 for Network Card
$70 for Router
$1700 for Adobe CS4
$50 for new McAfee
$169 for SourceLink
Total: $2,609 plus tax for the privelege, nay honor, nay ass raping that is Windows 7.  I bow to Microsoft’s superior skills at making their products part of everyday life, because both I am in awe I spent that much, and bowing is about all I can do since I won’t be sitting for at least  week, or until the bleeding stops.

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1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to things like cars or longer life-spans.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “separate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

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I have had some pretty bad first dates back when I was dating people other than Jessica, but let me tell you, nothing compares to this poor dude.  He has the worst of it all, and I can sympathize, I hate dropping a duece in a public toilet.  It is just a sin against nature or something, but I hate doing it.  I dont know how this could go much worse.  At least I have never been chased out with a knife.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191

I am a pretty big guy, not fat, but very tall and broad shouldered and the little airline seats suck for me, and more so for the person next to me…but this is fricking ridiclous!

http://www.flightglobal.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/73953

This is just crazy.  How can this be safe?  How did he even get on the plane with only one seat and not three?  I know AA is retarded, hence the reason I do not fly them anymore, but dear God, someone do something!

Anyone that travels these days knows the TSA is a huge joke. The rules constantly change, even from screener to screener. Sometimes I take my DVD player out, other times I dont. Sometimes my cane gets passed through several times, other times it is ok to go with me through the metal detector. The sooner we replace the TSA with either trained chimps or Skynet , the better. To illustrate my point, here is a thread from FlyerTalk :

So it just took me 35 minutes ‘to case clear security to get to my vegas flight. And I was the only one in line!

DFW A terminal

Tsa: id please
Me: that is my id ‘pointing to my PASSPORT
Tsa: sir where are going?
Me: las vegas
Tsa: last time I checked a map, las vegas is in the US!
Me: and?
Tsa: well then you don’t need a passport to go there
Me: and?
Tsa: so your passport is not valid id for this trip
Me: excuse me?
Tsa: yes I need a government issued id
Me: my passport is government issued, its issued by the government of the netherlands, would you like me to show you where that is on a map?
Tsa: that government is not recognized by the tsa. And I know that the netherlands is in norway. So I need to see a drivers license.
Me: the government of the netherlands is not recognized by the tsa? That’s dissappointing, im sure my queen will be absolutely distraught to hear that an id checker at the dfw airport is not recognizing her as a legitimate government. Its a good thing though that the tsa doesn’t set foreign policy, and that that’s left to the state department. Have you informed condileeza rice that the tsa is now deciding what governments will be recognized by the us government? Are you guys the jokers that decided to regonize kosovo as an independent state?
Tsa: condeleeza who?
Me: So my passport really isn’t going to work? And you need to see a drivers license?
Tsa: yes
Me: well here’s the problem ‘ I hand him my dutch drivers license ‘ see this is also issued by that government that you don’t recognize.
Tsa: hmmm…. Don’t you have anything that’s issued by the government in the us?
Me: I have my greencard but the problem is, like you said las vegas is in the us, according to the map you just checked, the same one that told you the netherlands is in norway. So since I don’t need a greencard to travel to las vegas, my greencard won’t work either even though it was issued by the dept of homeland security, the same part of the us government that the tsa is a part of.
Tsa: yes that’s true. Ok so you don’t have any valid id for travel in the US?
Me: apparently not, since my passport and drivers license is not recognized by the tsa and my greencard is not valid for travel within ths us.
Tsa: ok well you can travel without id, you’ll just need to go through additional screening.
Me: great
Tsa: I need a male assist.

Ten minutes later

tsa2: hi sir
Me: hi
tsa2: im going to go through your bags and then wand you, is that ok?
Me: sure
tsa2: sir what’s this? ‘pointing to my passport’
Me: that’s my passport
tsa2: but you told the id screener that you don’t have id
Me: that’s right
tsa2: so you lied to him
Me: no
tsa2: no?
Me: according to his requirements I did not have id that met his requirements for travel.
tsa2: huh?
Me: since im going to vegas, apparently my passport is not valid for traveling there, because accoridng to his map las vegas is in the us and since its in the us and I don’t need a passport to travel there, my passport is not valid for travel.
tsa2: huh?
Me: exactly
tsa2: ok?

There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…… Toto I don’t think we’re in Holland anymore.

One less moron on our countdown to everyone in the US…..

[Original Thread]

I admit it. You caught me. I have violated a patent several times in the last few weeks. Our cat Tiki needed some exercise, and BAM, Patent US5443036 slams me in the face. Who knew!?

Assuming there is only one moron involved, -1 more moron.

WTF! Some schools have decided to call Halloween “Orange and Black ” day, or even Harvest day. Why you ask? Because the Crazy Christians have decided that calling it Halloween gives too much of an homage to the old pagan rituals on which the day is based. Yep, that’s it. Basically, they think that if they call it something else, perhaps Satan will forget which day it is, is color blind, and will just not show up to rape and pillage their neighborhood until New Years when everyone drives home drunk. God forbid the Christmas tree, is based on a pagan ritual. And woe to the person that tries telling a conservative that Christmas shouldn’t be called Christmas but should be called “Winter Holiday” or “Winterfest” or “Lobsterfest” or whatever. Because they will get all crazy on you about how the holiday is because of Jesus CHRIST, and therefore should be called Christmas. Well, genius, Halloween is based on the killing of small woodland creatures ‘for sure’, sacrificing virgins ‘maybe’, the Spanish Inquisition ‘probably not’, and all other things that are evil. So hop down off your hypocritical high horse, if you can, put on a mask, and get tooth decay like the rest of us from all that candy!

So, let’s assume only 75% of the country is Christian, and only half of them are stupid enough to go for this. ‘I realize it is a stretch.’ That means 112.5 Million Morons to add to the list. 162.5 million morons to go.