“Want to make a website which features a different picture of a babe everyday.

Successful candidate:

• Must create and design the website
• Logo creation
• Provide 3000 original large, high quality photos with my watermarked logo
• These photos must be legal
• All copyright will belong to me
• Photos must automatically change as of 12:00 PM MST
• Must be able to and will be responsible for setting up the website with advertising program to ensure money is made from visitors”

The poster gave a max budget of $250….

Really!!!???

Let me make sure I understand…You want me to develop the software to power the site (admittedly very simple), design the look and feel of the site, create a logo, and come up with 3000 original photos of “babes” and then sign it all over to you, all for $250?  Then you want me to market it and advertise it?  What the F*&# do I need you for?  Let’s face it, you cant get 3000 images, even non-orginal ones for that price, but I have no idea what the photoshoots required would cost…maybe $25000?  For that many images there are going to be a lot of different girls, doing a lot of different things, in a lot of diferent places.  $25000 may be extremely cheap I dont know.

I do know the idiot that posted this is delusional.  He/She wants to pay a paltry sum for someone to do ALL the work.  Usually clients have ideas, content, and know how to market their own stuff, but not in this case.  Maybe this person works in politics and thinks this is how the real work actually operates.

**And yes, the thumbnail is Jennifer Connelly, she is the celeb that I think is all sorts of beautiful, so she is the babe of the day today, and then we go back to Jessica being the babe every other day of the year.

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Let’s go through a checklist of what it takes to make a Twilight movie:

Acting?  Nope.
Plot?  Nope.
Anything surprising at all?  Nope.
Wasting lots of time with montages as if that makes a movie?  Check.
Lots of staring into the distance?  Check.
Vocalizing the obvious?  Check.
Taking a 2×4 to your head to make sure you have a low enough IQ to enjoy Twilight?  Check.

The moral to the story is, if you drool on yourself, you will enjoy the movie.  Otherwise….have some dignity and watch Battlefield Earth instead.

The only way I may watch another one would be if it was like this:

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1. Yes, we think about sex a lot.  In fact, if you actually knew how much or in what detail, you would never stop blushing.   It is how we are wired.  It is like you thinking about if your ass looks fat in jeans or your hair is frizzing due to humidity, we are just more direct and simple than that.
2. If you consider the relationship like a tall building, women are up on the 100th floor, all CEO like, communicating, being rational, using logic, and trying to connect before and during sex. Men are in sub basement J working on the furnaces turning up the heat until clothes come off.
3. We worry about our body just as much as you do, we just don’t dwell on it when we are naked together, we are far more interested in your body at this point.  Take a hint from that, we would like it to be the same way.  When we are naked together, don’t worry about what I think of your body, because guess what, it looks great to me, if it didn’t, we wouldn’t have tried so hard to get you to this point.  Don’t be so uptight about your thighs/breasts/stomach/hips/ass/pubic hair (or lack thereof)/smell/taste that you let a great night of sex with your willing and hungry man pass you by.  Turn off that part of your head, look into our lustful eyes, and try to see you as we do: An amazing goddess that we want to have/taste/touch every inch of and give a great night.
4. When you say “Don’t stop”, for some reason we hear “do it faster/harder/better”.  So, do us a favor and be even more direct, something like “just like that, perfect, just like that”.  Let’s face it, at this point, we don’t have enough blood left in our head to recognize our native language, much less understand complex directions like “don’t stop”.
5. Your vagina is foreign soil to us.  We didn’t get to play with a vagina 10 times a day during junior high like we did with our cocks.  So, when we are down there, give us some direction.  A little to the right?  To the left?  Somewhere in the middle? Fingers?  No?  You will like it better and we will be even more confident about doing it.
6. Don’t ever fake it.  Tell us what you need to get off.  We want you to get off, as much as you want.  By this point, we are going to get off.  It isn’t hard to make us climax, and since we actually are into you and want to come back for more, tell us what you need to make it happen.
7. Talking dirty is all sorts of hot.  You don’t have to swear or even use a recognizable language; moaning, breathing, and gasping are all good.  If you don’t believe me, call your man at work some time, and just make those types of noises into the phone.  I promise you, there is a severely horny man on the other end of the line trying to figure out how to cancel meetings and rush home to pounce you.
8. Don’t ask us for honesty when looking at clothing.  We will say anything looks great if it increases our chance of getting to peel it off you.  Besides, we are usually thinking about having a tryst right there and then in the dressing room.
9. Don’t demean us for kinky ideas.  We are like Jacques Cousteau, and want to explore all kinds of things.  We have seen a lot of porn in our life and are curious if a finger around your anus will make you scream in pleasure.  We aren’t trying to offend or anything, just curious, and are comfortable with you enough to suggest (or try) it.
10. Blowjobs are amazing. We love them.  If you are adverse to giving, let us know why and we will fix it.  Do you need directions, candles, pretty smells, us to shave or trim, what?  We will fix it, I promise you.
11. Just because we notice another woman, doesn’t mean we are even considering anything with her.  Maybe she had those shorts with something written on the ass, or some bling tried to burn our retinas, or something was off, or we know her from work, etc.  Perhaps we just noticed her because you are so much more desirable and she doesn’t know she is being outshone and out classed by you in your sweat suit instead of pretending behind designer clothes or makeup.
12. Even thought you may not feel desirable or lusty at the moment because you are eating/cooking/cleaning/running etc, you are.  You always are, no matter what.  For the record, your sweat contains pheromones that drive us nuts, so next time you aren’t feeling sexy because you just worked out, remember your body didn’t get the memo and is broadcasting the menu to us.

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Well, I thought “Video Card“, but I was wrong.  I went out and bought a new ATI 5870 by Asus.  Turned out replacing my 4870 with that beast didnt do a thing for me.  So, back the $400+ card went.

Well, it must be software then, the problem now being I can either re-install XP, or try Windows 7 since that is where I will have to update to within 6 months anyways.  Out I go to get Windows 7 Pro, and more than $2,000 later, it is finally installed and working.

Upon installing it, I had network driver issues from hell.  Who knew a Linksys wireless G PCI card wouldnt work with Win7?  What kind of moronic OS development team made it where one of the most prolific network card manufacturers products wouldn’t work?  Answer:  Microsoft!  But since I used the word “moronic” we all knew that was coming, right?  Ok, read a lot online about the various woes of people with that card, and I upgraded to a D-Link N card, that seemed better.  Only, it wasnt.  But I knew, from what I read online the network card was correct.  Could it possibly be my Linksys router?  I mean, really, a router is a router right?  Nope!  I replaced the router with a Netgear one and BAM, it works great on the network now.  Spiffy!  Time to start installing software finally.

That’s right, installing software, because for some dumb-ass reason you can’t upgrade from XP to Win7, they expect you to have had 2×4 to the head and actually used Vista.

Start installing software, and the first reboot, the computer doesn’t come back up.  Not only that, the primary hard drive isnt even seen by the BIOS anymore.  WTF!!!???  How did Win7 just kill a Seagate HD?  I have no idea, but it did.  Off I go to purchase new hard drives.  This time, I got two, so I can RAID 1 them, “ah ha!” I will show you Microsoft, I will fix your stupidity with hardware. RAID array created, Windows 7 installed (again), and now I can start installing software.

But wait, Adobe CS2 isnt supported by Windows 7, so, $1,699 later, I am the extremely annoyed owner of CS4 Web Premium, a supported version of the ridiclously priced yet required by everyone software suite.

I get everything re-installed, except for my document management software, Source Link.  It seems those retards over there won’t reissue a CD key without a $60 fee, “because that is how we control the licenses”.  “Why do I use your software again”, I wonder as I am re-downloading games from EA, Quickbooks,  NuSphere, and a ton of other software that doesnt require me to pay them to reinstall their software on the same computer. Clearly everyone else has figured it out, even Microsoft and Adobe!  And get this, I get to upgrade as well to SourceLink 2010 in order to have it supported as well.

So, what is the final tab you ask….

$200 for Windows 7
$350 for 2 Hard Drives
$70 for Network Card
$70 for Router
$1700 for Adobe CS4
$50 for new McAfee
$169 for SourceLink
Total: $2,609 plus tax for the privelege, nay honor, nay ass raping that is Windows 7.  I bow to Microsoft’s superior skills at making their products part of everyday life, because both I am in awe I spent that much, and bowing is about all I can do since I won’t be sitting for at least  week, or until the bleeding stops.

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http://www.flightglobal.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/73953

This is just crazy.  How can this be safe?  How did he even get on the plane with only one seat and not three?  I know AA is retarded, hence the reason I do not fly them anymore, but dear God, someone do something!

While I am extremely pro-Linux, and getting more so as I deal with Vista and the stupidity that is Microsoft’s latest OS (I can’t wait for Windows 7, anything is an improvement). Enough about Vista, be looking for that in a few days, as I have to deal with it, and pretend I have the intelligence of a basic moss covered rock in order to use it. I digress…

I didn’t end up getting a Mac for a couple of reasons. First is the price, it is more expensive for less machine, which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but I do understand it as they are pretty sexy. But I will admit as I type here on this backlit keyboard, this Dell is pretty sexy as well.

I have had some terrible support experiences with Apples over the last few years. You have to drag your computer to an Apple store, after you make an appointment, then you have to wait to get it back, which could be weeks. I don’t have the time for that crappy service. If I could tolerate that level of incompetence, then I wouldn’t have much of a case for the purchase of a computer in the first place.

Instead, Dell gives me next business day on site, with even accidental damage covered. Apple doesn’t even begin to offer that kind of service, regardless of their completely misleading commercials.

Then there is the issue of having to run Windows in a virtual machine for a lot of the software, and having to re-purchase the Adobe suite which is like $1800, instead of being able to use the fair-use clause and use the same copy for both my desktop and laptop.

So, what would the point of paying more for way crappy service, having to double up on software, new learning curve, and then running the other OS in a virtual machine. So, here I sit, hating Vista, but loving the machine, especially for the price. Thanks Dell, and oh, Apple, take note, either improve your warranty service, or just don’t bother going after the larger business market outside of the creative arenas.