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Ryan and I have both been dealing with a lot of “growing up” issues so I thought this was appropriate.

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can\’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as \”dressed up.\”
10. You\’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won\’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don\’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer \”pretty good stuff.\”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. \”I just can\’t drink the way I used to,\” replaces, \”I\’m never going to drink that much again.\”
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for just one sign that doesn\’t apply to you and can\’t find a single one to save your sorry old ass.

Father-Daughter Talk

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and was for distribution of all wealth. She felt deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican which she expressed openly. One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to higher taxes on the rich & the addition of more government welfare programs. Based on the lectures that she had participated in and the occasional chat with a professor she felt that for years her father had obviously harbored an evil, even selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. The self professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.

He stopped her and asked her point blank, how she was doing in school. She answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain. That she studied all the time, never had time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn\’t even have time for a boyfriend and didn\’t really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying. That she was taking a more difficult curriculum. Her father listened and then asked, \”How is your good friend Mary doing?\”

She replied, \”Mary is barely getting by.\” She continued, \”She barely has a 2.0 GPA,\” adding, \”and all she takes are easy classes and she never studies.\” \”But Mary is so very popular on campus, college for her is a blast, she goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn\’t even show up for classes because she is too hung over.\”

The father then asked his daughter, \”Why don\’t you go to the Dean\’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0.\” He continued, \”That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.\”

The daughter visibly shocked by her father\’s suggestion angrily fired back, \”That wouldn\’t be fair! I worked really hard for mine, I did without and Mary has done little or nothing, she played while I worked real hard!\”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said, \”Welcome to the Republican Party\”

I hate supporting spam… but I have to.

I don\’t do windows because… I love birds and don\’t want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don\’t wax floors because… I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves, I\’ll feel terrible and they may sue me.
I don\’t mind the dust bunnies because… They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
I don\’t disturb cobwebs because… I want every creature to have a home of their own.
I don\’t Spring Clean because… I love all the seasons and don\’t want the others to get jealous.
I don\’t pull weeds in the garden because… I don\’t want to get in God\’s way, he is an excellent designer.
I don\’t put things away because… My husband will never be able to find them again.
I don\’t do gourmet meals when I entertain because… I don\’t want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
I don\’t iron because… I choose to believe them when they say\”quote\”;Permanent Press\”.
I don\’t stress much on anything because… quote\”A Type\” personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol\’
woman!!!!

The preacher\’s, Sunday sermon was \”Forgive Your Enemies\”

Toward the end of the service, he asked his congregation, \”How many of you have forgiven their enemies?\” About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. As it was past lunchtime, this time about 80 percent held up thehands. He then repeated his question again. All responded, except one small elderly lady. \”Mrs. Jones,\” inquired the preacher, \”Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?\” \”I don\’t have any.\” She replied, smiling sweetly. \”Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?\” \”Ninety-three.\” She replied. \”Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would you please come down in front of this congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the world.\” The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: \”I outlived the bitches.\”

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message \”Bad Command or File Name\” is about as informative as, \”If you don\’t know why I\’m mad at you, then I\’m certainly not going to tell
you\”.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it. :’

ALWAYS BACK UP YOUR DATA!