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5 Reasons Marketing Departments are like 3 year olds

  1. You have to repeat yourself a lot.
  2. You have to explain things over and over again in different ways, and still not get the point across.
  3. It doesn’t matter what else is going on in your life, their wants are far more important than your (or anyone else) needs.
  4. They think everything for which they ask is very simple, and no amount of evidence will convince them otherwise.
  5. They think “Now” is a completely legitimate deadline.

Of course, this could apply to a lot of different departments, heck, I am sure some poor delusional soul out there thinks these could apply to IT, but for now, let’s remember, the just fit best with Marketing.  Not a specific Marketing department, but just about all with which I have ever worked.

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WordPress 3.2.1 Update broke the Arras Theme

Looks like our theme was broken and so I have reverted the website back to the default theme.  I will be changing it shortly, so please look past the generic style.

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Tweaking Jquery AutoSuggest

I have been using the JQuery library for a long time now, and am still amazed at what people get it to do.  One feature that the base libaray was really lacking was a good Autosuggest for a text input.  It needed to be AJAX driven, and understand having multiple values.

I found a great example of what I wanted at Drew Wilson’s blog, complete with almost all the features I needed.

One thing his script is really lacking is a good way to show ALL the results.  We have a huge category list, and want to let someone browse them all.  In the base script, this isn’t going to work, since there isnt a way to make the look up fire off without input.  I didnt want my users to have to enter in, one by one, each letter of the alphabet looking for what they wanted, so I settled on using a double click event to force the display of the entire list.

And here is how to make that happen:

In the js file (jquery.autoSuggest.js) you will need to make some changes.

~line 149 add:

 }).dblclick(function(){
 if (timeout){ clearTimeout(timeout); }
 timeout = setTimeout(function(){ keyChange(); }, opts.keyDelay);

so it will look like:

 }).blur(function(){
 if($(this).val() == "" && values_input.val() == "" && prefill_value == ""){
 $(this).val(opts.startText);
 } else if(input_focus){
 $("li.as-selection-item", selections_holder).addClass("blur").removeClass("selected");
 results_holder.hide();
 }
 }).dblclick(function(){
 if (timeout){ clearTimeout(timeout); }
 timeout = setTimeout(function(){ keyChange(); }, opts.keyDelay);
 }).keydown(function(e) {

This will pull up a list on double click.  You can change dlbclick to just click for a single click response instead.

~line 226 comment out the lines:

if( lastKeyPressCode == 46 || (lastKeyPressCode > 8 && lastKeyPressCode < 32) ){ return results_holder.hide(); }

and

if (string == prev) return;

and

if (string.length >= opts.minChars) {

and then on ~line 252 comment out

 } else {
 selections_holder.removeClass("loading");
 results_holder.hide();
 }

You will also want to turn the option “resultsHighlight” false, when you create the instance.

Now, on double click it will present a full list of options.

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TSA at BWI

Jess and I just got back from Baltimore late Wednesday night. A short three day trip for some personal business, sans kids. After all the media attention, we were already concerned about the “enhanced” security at the airports, but Baltimore is 24 car hours away, so we have to fly.

Well, at Dallas Love Field (KDAL) there was just the old method of metal detectors. Empty most of the stuff from your pockets and move along. Well, at Baltimore Washington International (KBWI) the scanners are in place and being used.

When we walked up to the security line, Jess asked, “Are those the new scanners?” Yep. She didn’t like the look of them one bit, and even hesitated a little bit. I did point out that not everyone was even being asked to go through, just about every third person.

We emptied our pockets of everything metal or electronic, and stepped up. Jess was waved through the normal “old school” metal detector, but I was instructed to go through the scanner. He, the TSA officer, did not inform me of my right to refuse and get a pat down instead, just told me to go through. I refused, politely. He THEN informed me that would mean I would get pat down, to which I replied “Let’s do this.” I knew the consequences of my choice, but there was no way in hell I was going to get a almost naked image of me taken and God knows what done with it, since the TSA is being very vague about what they actually do with those images.

Another officer stepped up and asked if I had anything in my pockets. I replied I did, my wallet, and he asked me to put it on the belt, to which I refused. I have NEVER been asked to remove my wallet or chapstick, since they are not metal, and most people don’t even notice them. This was new to me, and now I am very unhappy because I have already asked for a pat down, so why do you give a crap what I have in my pockets?

He said that I had to totally empty my pockets. I again refused and asked, again politely, to speak to a supervisor. He said that a supervisor “will just tell you the same thing, so I don’t know why I need to bother him.”. I then, more firmly but still politely, asked to speak to a supervisor. He argued a little bit more, I interrupted his excuses, and said “I have expressed my desire to see a supervisor. I have been polite, can you please just do as I ask.” Well, I suppose he didn’t know what to do with a polite but firm passenger, so he said “OK, fine.”

About a minute, perhaps not even that long, passed and supervisor came up and asked what was going on. I told him I had refused the body scanner, and refused to put my wallet on the belt, where I can not see it, they wont take responsibility for it, and I would be separated for perhaps several minutes while I pat down. I suppose that argument, again politely expressed, just made a lot of sense. He moved me through the normal metal detector, with my wallet in hand, and asked me to have a seat in the pat down area.

Another officer, Officer Bell, came up to me and asked for my wallet. I handed it over, and he said he would now go through with it me watching. “No problem,” I replied. My wallet is very small and very tightly packed. He really did seem uncomfortable with it, since he didn’t see how to get things out without potentially causing a huge mess. I asked him how he wanted to proceed and the supervisor, who was standing near by, said that he would personally run it through the scanners (the old normal ones) and ensure that it never left his sight, except while in the scanner, and he would take personal responsibility for it.

“Fine. Thank you.” That seemed like a very fair arrangement and let us both achieve our goals. His of getting me checked out and on my way and me of not losing my wallet at BWI.

He did that and came back and handed it back to me. Thanked me for my cooperation, and left the area.

Officer Bell then asked me to step on the spots on the floor mat, and put my arms up, palms up. He had latex gloves on, was well groomed, and professional. At all times he told me what he was going to do. He started with my shoulders and chest, worked down to my stomach, and then went to my back. He was not rough, forced, or any of the other crap I would have expected based on the media’s repeated telling of the situation.

He then said he would use the back of his hands to go over my buttocks. I replied “alright”. Done. Now, again telling me before hand so I am very informed, he said he would use the back of his hand to go down the zipper of my jeans. “Sure”. Again, done. Not forceful, not threatening, in no way invasive. He then moved down my legs and about 90 seconds after it started, my “enhanced” pat down was finished.

I collected my things and moved along.

Now, the real question is, was my experience normal? Or was the entire staff, with one possible exception, just amazingly polite and professional? I hope not. I hope exactly what I went through is what can be expected no matter what airport you are in. I think the entire TSA situation sucks, and we, as a country, could do better for our security. But, my experience, and the entire time I stayed polite, honest, and professional, and I am glad to see it was not too much to expect them to treat me the same way.

What about the rest of y’all? Anyone pass on the new scanners and ask for a pat down? How did it go?

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Jake

Well, for those of that dont know, Jake, our horse, passed away back in September.  We had to put him down after he had been very ill for about six weeks.  We took him to a vet to try and figure out why he wouldnt eat, and it ended up being stomach cancer.

Cancer is unheard of in a 9 year old quarter horse.  He just wasnt old, he was just getting into life.  We had him for just under a year, but were and still are very attached.

He was a great horse.  He would go out in the pasture and run and run with me, come back and be calm enough for Illianna to ride by herself without even a lead.  He loved the girls, would protect Jessica, and tried to get in my lap once when I sat down out in the pasture.  He was very convinced he was was a 1500 lbs puppy dog.  He would always come up to you in the pasture, and give all he had when you had him under saddle.  He was the type of horse that would make anyone think they were amazing with horses since he just knew it all, with very little teaching.  He wanted to please which made it so easy and wonderful to be around him.

We have put up all the pictures we have of him at his picture gallery.  If you look at the one picture of him being led by Illianna, you can see how much weight he lost.  That was taken the day before we found out about his cancer and put him down.  He was our first horse, won’t be our last, and taught us that even though he didn’t live with us, he was a huge part of our life and has changed our family forever.  Jake, you are remembered, and will always be loved.

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HTML Validation is (still) pointless!

Ok, so we all know that we should write “valid”* HTML, and yet, less than 5% of websites validate for one reason or another.  Now this statistic can be a bit misleading as a comment from a user that didn’t use valid markup could invalidate the website, so granted, there is some play with the stats (per the usual), but let’s again assume that number is close.

Why?  Why do we not write perfect HTML?  Surely with the free validator on the authority’s website there is no excuse to write code that wont validate against the standard.

The answer there is simple, if and when all the major browsers (Firefox, Safari, IE, Opera, Chrome) all render a page according to the standard, then I will finally start caring about the validation of my websites.  Until then, I will continue to write code that works across the board, and just not care if it is “valid”.

To be real though, most of the browsers work pretty well, however the 800lb gorilla in the room, IE, does not.  Microsoft continually changes the standards by which they will render a page, like promising CSS 2 support in IE7 then bailing on that promise 6 months before release.  And let us not forget the horribly pathetic Javascript rendering engine, JScript, that the rest of us just ignore because it can’t be trusted to behave reliably.

So, like even on this website, we find ourselves writing “valid” code, and at the same time having to redefine valid to mean “Code that works in all the browsers”, not “Code that the W3C says is valid even though it looks like crap in IE6″.  Just to maintain a semblance of order and sanity, we use the handy IE CSS hacks where IE on Windows will actually arbitrarly execute code depending on the version of the IE browser being used.  Does that sound like an admission of guilt on the part of MS to anyone else?  OK Bill, repeat after me, “I know my browser sucks, so, instead of fixing it which would severely hamper my marketing and legal budgets, I will just allow hacks in order to ensure you nerdy web guys can still make pretty pages”.  There, was that so hard!?

So, someone feel free to run the validate against any of my websites.  Don’t bother sending me the results because I don’t care.  The sites work, the code looks good, documented, and is maintainable, so, what exactly was the complaint?

*valid code is extremely subjective, but let’s assume here I mean W3C “valid” code.
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Amateur Web Design

There are a lot of amateur web designers out there.  They post on forums, and advertise freakishly cheap prices, like $150 for a website.  The differences between them and those of us that do this professionally are too many to be named.  Obviously the pricing is a huge difference, they charge for an entire website what my hourly rate is.  But then again, I don’t really make just the brochure 4 page websites, we actually write custom applications that do very complex things ranging from e-commerce to mission critical business processes.

Another huge difference is the professionals actually stick to standards and try to keep up with trends and new technology, unlike the 15 year old designers working from mom’s house.  I found out recently about this “company” (LR Web Design).  First, they call HTML “coding” which is a complete misnomer.  And then talked down Dreamweaver, and yet their “code” is at least 10 years out of date.  No CSS, inline font tags, UPPERCASE tags, image maps for menus, and tables for very basic positioning.  Here is another one of their websites: http://knbcolo.webs.com/ .  They don’t even use a true host, but a free website company.  Let me fill you in, none of this is what you want your company to have on its website.  It is unprofessional and doesn’t really put your best foot forward.  But if you want a slow loading website on a free host with no custom anything, by all means go with one of these people.  Otherwise, go with someone with training, experience, and credentials, as well as a portfolio with real clients you have heard of.

Like wine & cars, you get what you pay for with websites.  I wouldn’t want my company looking cheap.

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Freelancer.com ? Really?

I have been wandering around some of the freelancer websites looking for some programming/project management gigs to keep me busy, and I ran across this one on Freelancer.com:

“Want to make a website which features a different picture of a babe everyday.

Successful candidate:

  • Must create and design the website
  • Logo creation
  • Provide 3000 original large, high quality photos with my watermarked logo
  • These photos must be legal
  • All copyright will belong to me
  • Photos must automatically change as of 12:00 PM MST
  • Must be able to and will be responsible for setting up the website with advertising program to ensure money is made from visitors”

The poster gave a max budget of $250….

Really!!!???

Let me make sure I understand…You want me to develop the software to power the site (admittedly very simple), design the look and feel of the site, create a logo, and come up with 3000 original photos of “babes” and then sign it all over to you, all for $250?  Then you want me to market it and advertise it?  What the heck do I need you for?  Let’s face it, you cant get 3000 images, even non-original ones for that price, but I have no idea what the photo shoots required would cost…maybe $25000?  For that many images there are going to be a lot of different girls, doing a lot of different things, in a lot of different places.  $25000 may be extremely cheap I don’t know.

I do know the person that posted this is delusional.  He/She wants to pay a paltry sum for someone to do ALL the work.  Usually clients have ideas, content, and know how to market their own stuff, but not in this case.  Maybe this person works in politics and thinks this is how the real work actually operates.

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Obama is still a douche

Obama is out on the campaign trail trying to help the Dems keep Congress blue.  One of the things that appears to be creating a little backlash for the president, is that his reforms are not nearly as popular as he thought they would be.

When asked about that, the president responded, “We had to move so fast, we were in such emergency mode, that it was very difficult for us to spend time a lot doing victory laps and advertising exactly what we were doing because we had to move onto the next thing, …I take some responsibility for that,” said the president.

Obama, you douche, you are the leader of the nation, you get to take ALL responsibility for that.  First rule of leadership, “Everything is YOUR fault.” (source)  Do you honestly think the CEO of BP had anything directly to do with the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico?  No, of course not.  But is he responsible?  YES!

And here we are at the usual problem I have with a lot of the government programs, especially those pandered by the Democrats (but let’s face it, you Republicans are not innocent of this either):  Personal responsibility for your actions and the actions of your subordinates should be a foreign concept.  In a country where school teachers are trying to be parents, even dictate what medications the children should be on, is it really shocking the liberal president tries to dodge some blame?  Don’t worry about  doubling the national debt either, Mr. President, that is someone else’s fault too.

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Social Security is deluding themselves

Social Security is deluding themselvesIf you work in the US, you get these letters every so often from the Social Security Administration to let you know what your benefits will be, or would be, based on wages, taxes paid, etc.  They are just depressing, since in my tax bracket, I actually put more money into SS than I will get back if I die before the age of 132.

Yes, that is right, I will never get back all that I put into SS.  Nevermind the fact I should be paid interest on my contributions.  Why was privatizing such a bad idea?

Anyways, I received one of these letters, and it had a section in it entitled “Will Social Security still be around when I retire?“.  Look to the right, there is a scan of this image.

I love how it says “Yes.” at the very begining and then goes on to try and quantify that answer with the basic assumtion you, the reader, didnt pass 2nd grade math.

So, according to this, the money will be gone in 2037.  I hate to point out the fact I dont reach age rull retirement age (67) until 2044.  Not inspiring a lot of trust with already failing in the numbers department.

Then it goes on to say that if nothing is done, in 2037, they should be able to pay about 76% of the benefits to which I am entitiled.  WHAT?!

So just to clarify, Social Security will run out of money ~7 years before I am at full retirement age, AND will only be able to pay 76% of the benefits scheduled, which already are only about 80% of what I paid in, with no interest.

How was the answer “Yes.” to the question “Will Social Security still be around when I retire?“?  You just said we will run out of money years before I am elegible to retire, and even then I wont recieve all that I should.

What have we learned?  First and foremost, like healthcare, the goverment has great ideas, really, they are good ideas, they just have no fricking clue on how to execute it.  None!

Secondly, the correct answer to the question “Will Social Security still be around when I retire?“, is “No.  Not really.

If you want, contact your folks in Congress, let them know this is a bunch of crap, and now is the time to start fixing it, not 2037, or 2044, or whenever it is you will retire, or (God forbid), need disability.  And if you think you don’t need to save for retirement, go take a 2×4, hit yourself in the head, and start drawing disability now.  Learning to live on that income is the ONLY way you will not need your own retirement setup.

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